Since I lost two people I truly loved in my life, one suicide and one divorced, I became so bad at crying. My eyes are always watering, and tears coming down even in the most inappropriate situations like the time I'm cueing up for ATM or eating donuts. I mean, surely everything connected to the memory of everyday life but ATM and pink sugar coated donuts have no sentimental value to me, as far as I concerned. Sometime I make people surprise, because I don't look sad at all but I cry.
And I know what it causes.
It causes the memory of rejected love.
My September started in Paris and I met a boy, he was so nice to me when I bursted in tears in the museum filled with dead animals. We went out on a date in Paris, we walked around hands in hands, and took a nap in the park. It was one of the most beautiful moments I've ever experienced. I actually thanked god for that.
And he is now in Tokyo; so I went to see him on 21st of September.
We tried,
as healthy and young thirty-somethings, we tried physically and mentally.
And it didn't work.
It was so obvious that we are not that into each other.
Now my heart aches and again the memory of rejected love is all coming back, despite the fact that anything harmful is not yet happened.
I just don't want to get hurt.
My 21st of September was the day that I realized that I am too afraid of falling in love.
I still feel lost but I guess I keep going,
so
don't worry.
Never give up... There's a light somewhere out there.
ReplyDeleteI don't know how I can say any positive word to you.
ReplyDeleteI would like to say everyone has each life which has very important meaning and should not be ignored.
Maybe, I am talking to myself about this through reading your writing.